Dear miss nkT

 I've done enough come on. I've done enough, am tired. Aren't you? Am I going to start all over again, like today didn't happen, like the day before today didn't happen, and the day before before the day before last fuckn year. 

Am tired. 

I wish I had the courage to tell you exactly I feel right now, a minute of care and hate. Hate and nice feelings. But that's not logical. If I start telling you exactly what I feel right now. 

You'd start thinking. He is horny. Wrong?

Your start thinking. He is having a bad day?

You will start thinking, maybe he is having a bad day. 

You are wrong, I don't drink that much. I don't have bad days that easily. I don't get pissed of that easy. Probably what I feel girl is the result of entertaining a lot of bullshit for a while.

It's time I vomited all the shit you've been feeding me.

Since when I kept running my fuel tank dry trying to reach you and hug you.

Maybe I have gotten tired of you not carrying jerk about me. It's all about You, You, You. Do you see how it's all about you.

To find out what I want, what I like, you look at yourself. Dear, how the f do you think you will find answers about me by looking at yourself. Are you kidding me?

Come on, even a good friend knows that they have to be around there friends long enough, often enough, for them to know them. To know what would be a perfect birthday present for them.

Why are you taking a short cut.

Why are you looking at the mirror looking for me. Am across the f table. Am the guy who ruined his loafers looking for you lost in the streets. Those shoes don't like rain!

Why are you looking at the mirror, you will not find me there. Am across the table, my hair is wet, I've been rained on, trying to reach you. My cell phone battery is weak, endless missed calls and text on your cell.

Why am I the one to f start all conversations. I break the ice one more time, and it's your phone I will break instead.

But I shouldn't break your phone. Cause most things we do when we are emotional are bad decisions. But I could break up that piece of shit you keep typing on, talking on the phone with and buy you another f better one! But I don't. Cause that's arrogance.

So I will let you get into my car, with your long hair, covering your ears. So that when I say Hi.

And you reply, Hello.

I will not notice that the first person you talk to when I pick you up is your phone. But it's cool. Am a guy. Am supposed to be easy woth this. Am not supposed to bitch, cause its not manly. Besides, bitch is a female dog. And lionesses are more powerful than lions when they have calves. 

Am good. Am not going to bitch, infact, am going to act like I don't feel jerk.

And this is the fun part.

To make all this pain go away, I will change myself. I will become the biggest jerk you and every other woman in the world will ever get to know. I will never be on time, I will cancel appointments when I feel like, I will write post, leave them in the middle, I will write something about you, and somewhere in the middle I will make it about another woman, or a cow., giraffe, depending on my fuckn mood.

Why? Cause you f don't know how to be a good friend, you f don't know how to be a darling, you are so f fool of yourself. 

I am never nice to you, expecting you to be nice to me. In fact even after this, I will still be a nice guy, cause I don't think you are worth changing myself for you. I will snap a little bit, then go back to my usual self, cause you aren't the one who is going to make me a grumpy old piece of...

I am not being nice to you, cause I want you to reciprocate. But am being nice to you cause my heart was built like that, to love, to care, it was made with sugar, spice and every f thing nice, and am not going to ruin it cause you f look at your mirrior to try to find out about me!

Anyways... I know as much as I try to fight this, somewhere deep inside me I know, the way you treated me will affect me, I might become colder, I might become meaner, I will try not to, i will try not to do that, I will try not to build up a wall around myself. 

But regardless, f you!

(You don't comment enough, I don't edit. Fair) Rugby

  First of all, this is dedicated to those women who...hey, I made it! Look at me now! In your face.

Moving on.

It's Saturday. There are billboards on the road, it's rugby season. Simply means its a re-union of some sort. 

There are cops at the entrance, the security check is thorough, big car, s,all car no discrimination. Vitz, Range Rover, zote zinafunguliwa boot.

I drive in. It's more flooded than I expected. I guess the entertainment industry in Kenya is growing.

I find a parking that directly faces the field. The guys playing are running around the field like animals. That's what they are, animals. I don't think rugby is civilized, for that matter nobody thinks rugby is civilized, it's primal, it's a jungle in there. I wonder why I park facing the field, maybe so that I look like am actually watching the game, or maybe its because my girlfriend parked her navy blue Mercedes next to my car. 

Anyways we have fun, she leaves. And I have some other people in the car. It's dark already, some guy on the speaker has asked under 18's to leave. So I figure the party will turn a little more wild.

Earlier in the afternoon what dotted the floor was, dry grass, now it's wet. We had Dasani bottles and soda, now we have condom wrappers and half squashed cans of alcohol. Lots of mad. Lots of mad. 

People are crossing half way across the field. The party seems to be at the parking lot. Music is loud, there is an improvised stage, and the women are looking fly. The one inside the car. But the gentlemen in my car want other women, not the ones in the car.

So I let my friend take the wheel cause he has always wanted to drive this. He takes out his wallet puts it on the gear dash.

"weka hapa a few thousand bobs, we bet. Am going to get one phone number, today am Cupid."

We laugh. 

"ahhh wewe hauwezi you've always said that and lost"

I get support from the people in the back seat. 

"let's just park and chill."

He decides to be the sturbon guy he usually is. I at least play some Drake loud, I hand everyone a drink. He starts to drive in circles around, but it becomes fun.

He finally parks infront of a pick up. One of those hardbody Nissans, the ones they call Atoti. 

He has decided it is that girl ahead.

He opens the door.

Is he really leaving.

"twende, twende, twende... Aaaaaaweeeeeee"

Guys from the back seat changia

I don't want him to go. He will make fool out of himself, and if his night gets spoilt all of ours will. Besides its contagious.

He tries to step out. 

I grab his hand.

"c you wait and first of all get to know something about her."

"no, if I wait. I will over think, then I will freak out and not walk up there"

He tries to break his arm off my hand. And worse still my friends at the back seat are cheering that I let him go. 

He walks out. And just when he gets next to the girl. A guy hugs her, then cages her between his right and left hand, his body and the car. She smiles. 

My pal walks straight ahead like he had no intention. He takes a trip round, then comes back unexpectedly using another route to the car.

"ahhhh pole jamaa."

We all laugh. I can't believe the bustard was still determined to go round again. We go round again, this time, I decide no matter what, am going to support him. Come on, I don't want him to make a fool out of himself, it reflects badly on me. We pals.

...

"park here"

I insist. I insist cause it's the routes that connects the club house to the stage. So everyone is going to walk from the stage from entertainment to the bar to get a drink or a soda. Human traffic is good. 

"why here?"

"just park here."

So we just park here and wait. There is no one here! 

And just when he decided to move, people started crossing in front he car. He saw someone he thought he might like. She was in a pink jacket, and black other things. There were to chics.

I nudge him. 

"go, go, go now!"

"those two?"

"yes, go go now, so that they see you get out of the car."

"...ask them where they got the drinks."

He walked out. He started talking to them at the corner, so that we couldn't see what happened. And we all thought we were going to see a movie. Typical man.

He came back too soon. Half happy, half sad.

"did you tell them they looked pretty?"

"did you?"

"wewe ni nini? What makes you think it didn't go on well?"

"yu told them they were beautiful"

He smiled to shield his sad face. We laughed at him.

"you never tell a beautiful woman she is beautiful as you first words to her, at least not in this situation."

He kept arguing he was being real. And I kept on telling him that if everyone said everything he wouldn't for he be taking that beer, cause its bad for his liver. I tried to explain why telling a beautiful woman she is beautiful usually makes her 'protect herself from getting hit on'. He kept telling me that's how he met his ex. I tried to tell him that was one isolated incidence, he kept on objecting. Ego.

But I know he listened.

We parked at another spot. Guys had already gotten bored, so the back seat was left empty except for a pink scarf. It was just him and I. He felt less prideful, he could listen to me now.

"so now..."

Just watch, for five minutes.

The girl in the white shorts and black tights inside. She must be with the hot girl in a dress shaking next to her. They are together cause they are keeping close to each other and not to anyone else. The girl in the white shorts keeps looking at her surrounding, so probably she is bored, she is looking around for entertainment, she might not know it or she might know it. Her friend the one you will go steal her seat is having fun, no one around her has said hi to her or anything, so probably the two of them are alone. Go take her seat.

And when you take her seat, try argue, try negotiate with her. Don't tell her she is pretty. Just engage her in some conversation relating to the seat, or the game, rain, anything. Cool?

"aren't I over thinking?"

"trust me."

I pushed him out of the car, and took the drivers seat. I wasn't going to take any of this nonsense of driving around.

He did well. He touched the seat. And hot girl stopped dancing. (by dancing, I mean shaking her hips) 

I bet she was telling him he coudnt have the seat. And I bet he was telling her to be fair, that she wasn't even using it. I was proud, at least they were talking, she was so engaged in the conversation about the seat she didn't notice he was a guy trying to hit on her.

He back to the car too soon.

"what happened?"

"Bob, you are a genius!"

I smiled. He was excited. I could tell. It was as if he had been performing on stage with a hundred thousand people. He felt invisible.

"so, what happened?"

"I run out of conversation..."

"can I drive away?"

He was so happy.

"drive away."

I starts to drive towards the stage where the rest were. 

"why are you so happy then?"

"I just know, if i had known how to carry on talking to her, I would have found a way of letting her know she is beautiful, that she would be lucky to give me her number"

"ati... She would be lucky to give you her number"

Ego msee.

"but the thing is that, she talked to me mazee, that's never happened like that"

"and your ex?"

"wewe wacha hizo, just drive the car Bob, ama unatakanikusaidie"

The night went well. Until, the same girl came to him and asked us to drive to her friends car. Apparently it had run out of battery, and they needed a good Samaritan to jump start. We were the good Samaritans. And he took it away from her.

It was a good day, don't you think? Even though we dont know until now what teams played against each other. And who won.