Monday 26 December 2011

Just another Blackberry addict...


It's five in the morning, this thing on my bed is totally stressful. You sleep next to your phone too, so don't act like you don't know what am taking about. Pretend doesn't look good on you!

So, I gave my small my phone to put in some new music... Drake actually, his new album Take Care. That Toronto kido is talented. I like his music, it is so real. My small however, decided that he will put every song Drake wrote, even in his head. He somehow downloaded the song and beats out of Drake's head, even the songs he is about to write in the future he downloaded them, now my phone is full and fat it needs to go to the gym.

No, I mean it. It's at night, am here with it and it can't even last one round. I open Facebook, I open twira, I open memo pad (most productive app on BB by the way) and the phone faints. Can you imagine, it doesn't sweat, it doesn't heat up like it does when I use a fake charger. It just closes it's eyes right there in my face as I write a text or charge it. Then blacks out. How rude is that? Guys are asking me whether the hotel I am in is shags... They think it's no network. How do you explain your phone just switching off during a phone call. That is very rude BB, that is very rude. Find your own time to faint and black out, not during office hours. Okay!

Know what brb means? Be right back. That is in chat world, the days I used to mig, (mig33). These days I blog. If I am vibing women, I vibe them by the masses, then select. It's easier. Sorry. Tmi. (to much information.) ey, tonight am on fire. Sad thing my phone is not. Stupid phone. One minute and you faint. Stupid phone.

So, I have a crack on the screen. I will say this now, I did not crack the screen today. I did not pick up the phone, then it did it's faint routine after opening two text messages then shut it's eye. I didn't slam it in the wall out of rage. I am okay with it's fainting, in fact I just gave it two pain killers. Don't call the cops. But I didn't slam it on the wall or anything out of anger. The phone didn't break into pieces separating itself from the battery or case. I have been totally gentle with it. Yeah right?

There could be a million things that are causing my phone to black out so frequently I literally can't do jerk with it, you couldnt even jerk with it, (i mean use it as a car jack, yeah thats what i mean, that is so what i mean) There could be a million things that are causing my phone to black out so frequently I literally can't do jerk with it, you couldnt even jerk with it, even call Jack. Not that I know of any Jack. Excuse me, it is just the word play, the rhyming and all. Definitely not a joke. Yes? I have stopped.

My mind tells me this is clearly a software problem. Not pointing any fingers at the parson who put music in it. Not him, I am pointing my fingers at random mosquitoes in the room, they are to blame. Them, not small downloading Drake's album, the one he produced and the one he is still creating in his head. My BB clearly has a software problem. The phone either has worms in it's stomach or viruses in its nose.
 Let me explain, I think my phone has worms and needs to be de-wormed. When was the last time you got de-wormed? Can't remember... Just go see a chemist right now. Probably you are eating for yourself and small thingiez in your stomach, soon they will be adult thingiez then they will share your food, and cause you not to share it with your real friends, and when baby thingiez eat enough of you food to have teeth... Do you want teeth in your stomach. Teeth anywhere on your body on you that are not yours?

 If my phone has worms in it's stomach I think those worms have teeth and kids, and the kids are teenagers with kids born. How else would you explain the bloody thing fainting and screaming of low battery after I have charged it for how long again? I must be feeding a country in there.

Maybe my phone has a cold, I hear viruses slow you down. It loads like an idiot. But let's be fair, some other phone with an application for tooth pick and underwear took that name, idiot, let's find a fresh one for mine... Suggestions?

I could google suggestions but guess what, my BB can't last that lap. Screen goes on... In put password... Open browser application... Input something on google bar... Faint... Black out... Restart process... Phone meets the wall... Phone now knows what the meaning of fainting is... Phone falls down needing an ambulance to tie it's parts together... Bobby does all that... Then phone pulls the fainting stunt again... Phone meets wall... Phone wonders why it's screen feels like cracked... Phone realizes it is not the only crazy person awake... Phone starts to work better as phone realizes it will be no more of it continues wasting Bobby's time... Phone wonders how to tell Bobby Phone's problem whether it virus, whether it worm, whether it firm ware, whether it battery... But phone doesn't know. Phone realizes it too late to talk, Bobby don't want no nonsense... Bobby taken nonsense for too long. Bobby need Bobby's crackberry... And Bobby causing Crack on BlackBerry face until Bobby get Bobby's crack berry. Phone meet wall. Phone realizes things thick. Phone want Drake or virus or worm out now. BB slowly realizing Bobby not a software guy, Bobby a hardware guy... Bobby deal with BB software problem and hardware problem both in a hardware way. Mechanical. BB meets the wall. BB feels like it not special anymore. Me BB, me handle with care. But Bobby dont give a fudge. Bobby is Crackberry. Bobby is BB addict and BB is not irreplaceable like Beyonce song. BB meet wall. BB want to repair itself before BB is replace. And BB knows Bobby kill it and Bobby pick another BB of same make in the morning and act like nothing happen!

Merry Christmas! 

Better late than never. At least I gave you a tree. That tree is from the Stanley with pleasure. It's now yours, since we are all stars, how about we sit on the tree?