If just for one day I was asked to go through a day without self advancement, if for just a day I lived like a normal person without ambition, without planning, I promise you I will be depressed to melancholy.
I need a dose of challenge. Make it too small a dose of challenge and I will get bored about life and with life.
Give me too high a dose of challenge and my ambition will turn into frustration. All you need to depress a country is advertise materialism then offer no path to wealth and people will get desperate.
I am used to challenges, very basic ones. I have arranged my life in such a way I have my Wants at the top and they are many. They are as challenging as buying a plane, therefore they excite me when I wake up in the morning. And I spend most of the day thinking about the creative means I can achieve that, what paths to use. And those paths I intend to use are never the conventional ones, they are legit cause I believe in good-for-people and angelic behavior but I also believe invention exists. So how I get to own a plane, is not how people got to own planes.
Give me a dream ambitious enough to steal my heart, give me time to think everyday of the best plan to achieve this and I will be a happy man.
And that is what keeps me smiling, that is what makes me energetic, a compelling dream that can steal my heart. Not a dull one that arouses no emotion in me.
And when I have such a dream my whole person turns into an extrovert. I talk better to people, cause am happier, have you ever talked to a sad hungry man? It gives me joy. I don't know where you find most of your joy, I have told you where I find half my joy.
If you find your joy between bed sheets then I also have something about that for you...
In my experience I have found that when you don't understand an article, go back to the beginning and find out what paragraph you didn't understand, when you don't understand a paragraph mostly it's cause of a sentence in it you didn't understand but you still went on reading to the next regardless. When you don't understand a sentence it might be a word in the sentence you didn't understand.
Everything in life is a challenge that needs solving to me. And a challenge is solved one step at a time. You simplify the problem to understand it better and then try to solve it.
I have always wondered why having lost my virginity a little late, why the hell have I been given so much sex?
Hard question to answer, hard enough to motivate me to do whatever it takes to answer it. I had many ideas of finding out.
"hey, why did you have sex with me?"
"pardon?"
"why did we have sex?"
"gosh... I dint know, I just liked the way you..."
"why do you like me?"
"mhhhh..."
"why are most people stranded when you ask them why they like you?"
"...I guess I like the way you vibe me."
Line dead.
"hey, why did you have sex with me?"
"are you kidding me, it's 3 in the morning."
"just tell me please..."
"I don't know, I guess a lot of things I like your brown eyes, you have good taste..."
Line dead.
And as I turned a page of the e-book I was reading. I found out that the worst people to ask why they acted in the way they acted are the people who make decisions to act like that.
Here me out... Tell me which one of the two is a tidy person?
---I made such a mess.
---I like my things arranged.
The second one right? The one that likes their things arranged. Wrong. Both of them are neat people, cause a neat person is the one that will see that he has made a mess cause he likes things arranged. A messy person will not normally notice he has made a mess cause he is messy all the time.
That is why even though I want to ask women why they have had sex I will not take their word for it. They might believe that's the reason but that isn't.
At such points of thinking, normal people will start getting agitated. Why? Cause that's what new information does. When you realize you have been making decisions on wrong theories you start to reject new information, cause it's overwhelming. How much more do I have to learn? You start asking yourself, and automatically your mind zones out.
My mind accepts it, even though I resist change sometime, I accept it cause I want better, and I accepted it, it was at 4am and I was all fired up. I wanted to know why women have given me so much sex for my age. And if asking them wasnt a valid source of answer, relevant but not always valid I looked at others.
And I made a list of the last so many women I sexed with. And the scenario has relatively been the same. Somehow they find themselves in my house. We talk, we eat.
We get touchy as I cook, or as we do other innocent things. Then we start to get obviously touchy. But we decide we aren't going to have sex cause it's the first time we have met.
And things get heated up. I get heated up. When you are two people your behavior will always influence the other persons. So, instead of asking the other person to remove an article of their clothing, lose yours instead, in fact go on and ask them to keep theirs on.
And when things get hot don't be afraid to have fun and lose yourself. As much as you try to hide your breathing, let yourself go cause it might work to your advantage.
Cause there she is, watching you loose you mind regardless of her clothes being on and her being stiff. The fire builds up and she want to be part of the excitement.
"let me help you get my bra off, you might tear it."
And she promises it's just that. And it's always like that, just a little, just a little. Sooner than later.
You are facing the ceiling enjoying the after glow. She is looking into your face searching for answers.
"So, I hope you will try to tell no one about this?"
"why would I?"
"I dint know, men like telling their boys."
"don't worry, I will not."
And then she wants us to do it more often even though we aren't in a relationship with her cause women like commitment. So, if we do it once, we should do it again cause it will feel more right to her and she will not feel like a slut cause it's the first day we met remember. If she walks away after doing it for one night with a stranger she is a slut, if I walk way she is still. If we do it again and again it's a friends with benefits.
And so, in my conclusion, after observing what actually happens more than asking what happens. I have found that, observation makes for better analysis sometimes. That's why I think magazines that tell us why women have sex are sometimes shit. Information is good but a lot of information is better, this is reality it's not that simple, you cannot explain the human mind in a few paragraphs, come on!
So, I think with most and not all the women I have slept with it started on, I-like-you. Cause most decisions are made out of emotion and later those decisions are supported by reasons; and you know reasons; they can be inaccurate.
And I think the next thing is venue. If their is a bed, the higher the chance you will have sex.
Close to the brain their is a part of the brain that shows overwhelming activity when you are in an MRI when you think about yourself. In humans it is a bigger chuck of brain matter than other animals, scientiest say it is for that reason we are very different from other animals. We are very much aware of ourselves.
Next to it, behind your left eye their is the part of the brain that shows a lot of activity when one is having an orgasm. This part of the brain makes you aware of the pleasure you get from a certain act and makes you want to repeat it to feel the pleasure. And for some reason it blocks your reasoning for a bit.
So, I guess that's why i have had all that sex, cause we found ourselves in the house alone, on my bed where it is easiest to convince anyone to have sex, and the heat got up and the brains shut down and we became animals.
Or, it could be my charm and the colorful words I through at girls, or the fact that my mind might be a powerhouse or my ideas are so crazy they excite them...
Am not sure, but when I say once she is in your house by her own will or after you have talked her into it rationally, or caressed her heart and made her feel she want to come into you house emotionally. Chances are higher you will bang together than the sometimes stupid theories not-down-to-earth and poorly researched magazines try to sell to you.
But I will read them, I will read everything, cause that's my life, I love to learn, I love new information, a high dosage of challenge to my brain makes me alive, a low challenge to my brain bores it and dulls my life. Too hard a challenge to my mind depresses me like a society that advocates for capitalism but not establish opportunities to channel the masses motivation to make money.
So, the right dosage of challenge is what excites me life, a little more cause I love my dreams to be compelling enough to steal my heart.
