Saturday 31 March 2012

Hug her now dammit!




We were at a seminar. After every hour and a half the person speaking to us let us have a short break. A tea break with no tea! Anyways that's besides the point, you know how tea breaks are. While you at the seminar everyone is in one group, at tea break people separate, they form subgroups talk in circles. Unfortunate you if you have to stand alone during tea break... If you not in a group of more than three you look like an outcast. You can socialize they say, but you can't just walk up to a gang of friends introducing yourself, normally the networks are too tight to break into. If you came late...sorry.

She didn't come late, she was around her group of friends, I was around mine. She couldn't just walk up to me even though she was a few steps away from me.

"hello..."

"hello."

"look behind you."

"pardon?"

"look behind you."


I hang up, I broke out from my group, she broke out from hers. We hugged. There is always that weird moment when you say hey to someone, you not sure whether it is just a hi. Or you plan to talk for a while. We were at that stage.

I had only come to see her cause I wanted to talk to her friend. She was the link, so technically I was using her to get to someone else.

She noticed.

I could see she could tell I was not concentrating on her. When ones eyes start to wonder away from the person you are talking to then know that most probably you should get the person you are talking out of their misery. I didn't want her to leave, I wanted her to continue talking at me, not to me as I weighed on what moves I would make on her friend.

She noticed.

See, they say that we are all equal. Yes, we are isn't it. That is why there is nothing like beauty contest. Beauty what? I didn't even know what you are talking about. Our eyes are all the same and they are all beautiful, our hair is all the same, our body mass is perfectly the same, we are all equal. Yes we are.

That's why I over looked her and looked at someone else, cause we are all equal. It's not that her friend had a bigger ass than she had, what do you mean they are all equal. She always keeps her face up, always, but that day she literally didn't raise her face up, it just sank, she looked at the floor.

"Bobby, do you want to talk to her..."

"oh yes."

I said that until I saw her, she was looking down to the floor, all her excitement had left her. She had accepted defeat again, like she knew the drill too often. Everyone passing her by.

"no, no, I want to talk to you."

I felt for her, she was sad.

And I started to imagine what she goes through. It all started to hit me. No one asks to be born the way they are born. She had told me about her being in class three. It's like she was stack in those years. Every time I was with her she talked about the way everyone just loved her while she was in class three, she told me about boys writing notes about marrying her, saying they loved her then throwing them of the window, fighting and being kids about it. They said these, then denied it. She found flowers in her desk never knowing who dropped them, she found dead rats. She was the centre of attention. Boys craved her attention, she told me she realized that later.

Twenty three and all she talks about is class three always. I figure it must have been her heyday, she might have been pissed at all the attention she got then, she was favored by everyone like beautiful women are opened for doors by almost everyman. But it seems that puberty played a bad number on her.

You are never sure on your looks until after puberty, so don't laugh yet. You never know what could happen.

I told her she was cute, I never told her she was beautiful and even that compliment she wouldn't just take. I don't blame her, she felt good about it, a smile but a second later she would come back to earth and I guess her mind would convince her truth is she isn't really beautiful.

Rats will be walking on streets before someone hits on her. Elephants will weigh as heavy as mosquitoes before someone gave her a second look as she crossed the road.

"hey, come here, that's not true..."

I hugged her.

"no don't interrupt me, am tired of all these lies."

It is true, they were lies. She told me she hates valentines cause everyone gets gifts but her, heck even from strangers. The girl she walks with in her estate gets all the presents, she gets none. She doesn't even get a whistle when she crosses the road... She hates that is has been reduced to expecting some whistling to affirm her self.

It's a known fact that most people show off cause they want to be noticed. Hey, look, am in a bikini contest and all my clothes are off. Check me out. And the rest of the world staring is thinking, slut, or, worse. Let's just say, or worse.

It's also a known fact that people show off cause they believe that someone has perceived them in a negative way. Tell her she isn't beautiful and after a week she is all in new dresses and stuff. She tries to make it known to you that there are other guys who think she is beautiful, showing them off.

But how cant she not show off? She had the attention growing up didn't she? She has tasted the other side. The greener side, she knows how it feels, so will she spend the rest of her life trying to go back to the greener side?
While the damaging effects of puberty are so?

"hey, it's okay..."

People were watching us now, and I felt like I should let her go. Cause then people will start thinking am having sex with her, and I wasn't. But for once I didn't know what to tell her, I saw no point of lying to her again.

"no it's not okay."

And for a second I wish I could split myself into like more than one hundred men just so that I could hit on her. I would be twenty random men who walk by the streets and give her a second look. I would be twenty men who send her text until she has to block some. I would be twenty men that she has to say no to cause she knows the twenty of me only want one thing. But she would feel okay, cause she is wanted, it would irritate her a bit but more than that she is wanted.

So, what do you tell her? Don't talk about her not being hot stuff? We are all equal? We all get hit on by the same number of people? We never go home alone?

Or do I tell her...

It's okay. It's a cruel world here, some are born with everything, some are born with nothing and die that way. But you my darling, wear that short skirt, wear those tall heels, splash yourself with make up like that chic on ktn, give head better than everyone else, dance better than everyone else, try harder than everyone else, sometimes run into my arms and break down, but then go back to the world and make yourself everything from nothing.
It better to live with consistent failing ambition, than to live with a victim mentality, cause out of the two their is only one that has a chance of becoming a queen.

"...you are beautiful, I don't care what you think, what everyone thinks, what I think, you are fucking breathtaking!"