I strived to get something's for a while only to have someone rob them from me. I have tried to catch them but stopped when it started to change me. I have watched the ones I love hurt by the ones I trusted. I have been forced to walk on the street by ambition and I have been shown that the streets don't have humans but has snakes, vultures, poison like a jungle. Concrete jungle yes Nairobi streets are.
I have been promised a night in arms that will love me, yet stabbed in the back by those very persons. I have been promised loyalty and my heart wasn't dealt with like it was an egg or a wine glass, not gently, steal my heart and hit it like a nail and a hammer through wood.
I don't know whether all these has been done to me so that I develop a soft spot every time I see someone whose been shown the not so fair part of the world when my world gets better. Nothing can heal a heart better than a broken-hearted song, Adele do you hear me?
I survived all these, playing the victim mentality for less than twenty seconds of a minute, the rest am trying to pull myself up to happy. Simply put it's okay to be sad, but even better is to be more happy than sad.
And when I stand again after the cruelty the world shows me... The worst happens.
Love is about acceptance, discrimination, rejection, inequality and all other graces and disgraced masked under love so you can't attack it.
I love you, I don't love you so don't talk to me. I love her cause she wears her hair better. I will offer her a hug and offer you a handshake cause I love her but I don't love you.
I will make advances at you for today, tomorrow I will notice your friend then you will find me locking lips with her, but it's okay cause it's love. Right?
One of the worst holes I have fallen into are in the name of love, my ego has been dealt with in a manner that when it falls in the mad it doesn't want to get up. It has gotten up about a million times. What is the point of pulling yourself up whilst every time you have not given up pulled yourself up you got hit back down to the ground before you started walking again. A million consecutive times.
That happened to me, simply ran out of hope, my heart locked up, and I started commanding myself with my mind. So that falling into mad and raising up was no longer a decision I made. It was a habit, you fall down everyday, you wake up everyday and strive in the same way you wake up and have a shower, it's not a decision, it's a habit.
And as I was living life mechanically, without passion whatsoever. I found her. She saved me. And it made me happy that I always picked myself from the ground every time I fell.
I tried to walk cause am a guy that believes in better, everyday that time, I tried to walk every time I fell into the mud. I stood up wiped the mud off my shirt and tried to walk again in spite of the number of times I fell. Imagine if we met and my shirt had mud all over it! Like a hobo, a loser or something! Yuck?
My shirt was clean, I was standing, and am glad you met me like thuat, cause first impression do matter. You never get a second chance to make a first impression, and I made my first impression. You later came to find out that I was dying inside. But that's okay, cause I was already in your arms.
Why do you still stay with me? When you are sure that what all I want is the future? Is it cause I also believe in the comfort of today? Why do you not walk away when you find that even though I say I love you the first email I check is NIC Bank's Summary of the equities on the stock counter and not your email? Is it cause you understand am a man and I find my worth in performance?
Why do you stay with me? When you keep calling and I just stare at the screen not picking it up... Why do you stay when I am afraid of actually stating the details of how my heart was broken and how that has changed the way I relate to others after them? Why do you stay whilst am the one who says we must communicate to keep this relationship alive while in fact am the one that doesn't keep the other end of the bargain? Do you notice that am a guy and I find my value in being the best, so no girl can be seen to say she dumped me, am me dammit! Am the best.
If wishes were horses, we would be in Naivasha every weekend riding horses. I know you like the white one. If wishes were horses you will let me spend the first hours of my morning trying to find gold, build an empire and what not. Some mornings you would make breakfast, some I would.
If wishes were horses, everyday we would bang a little a lot.
If wishes were horses, we would go eat out every now and again. A little shopping here and there.
If wishes were horses, you would let me turn a law book or two everyday, cause I don't like disrupting my life for exams, besides, I want to be as good as my Suits when I start to practice... Suits season one? Or suits of fine wool and excellent stitching? Sir Henry's?
If wishes were horses you would let me host a party here and there, support me as I did it. Seat with my two left feet at a club cause I cant really be king on the dance floor, but my table. Don't worry, I will be king, all drinks on me.
If wishes were horses, you would be here, but since you aren't. I love your blackberry as much as I love mine.
