My watch says it's on a Tuesday in February @ 1:47Pm. Woke up at around four in the morning, went through some pages on some Psychiatry book by Peter Hill. Then fell back to sleep after I learnt that asking questions answers everything. A ghost told me good night.
My next alarm clock was hunger; that alarm rings louder than all else. It was at seven, got to the table and put my hunger to death. Food laid out on the table, bread toasted, coffee and what not. It's not going to last, cause am going back to school. One and a half years to go, and I will be done with my first degree, and if things go on well, my diploma also. Exciting? I think not.
Everyone left, my sister to her fancy school, can't believe she gets to do British system and I didn't. My brother all the way to Nairobi for a little Java and friends. Lamest reason to travel, everyone else gone to work. Just me and the house help, no one to play golf with. Car so low on fuel I bet it will run on sniffed fuel like sniffed glue on the street.
Neglected all my friends, since I have been busy. And therefore can't just call them and ask them to hook up for coffee on a Wednesday. Everyones busy nowadays. Except Facebook right? Out of the blue? Sounds weird. If I kept in touch maybe I would. Ever felt that?
Haven't showered yet, cause I went back to bed, to read irrelevant stuff, which turns relevant and helpful at times.
Generally my mood is crap and slow.
And am trying to get to the root of it. Have you ever been in a crap mood?
Probably it's fear. School is almost over, the comfort of it, real world here I come. Law practice requires you have to have a boss the first two years of your career. Will I be able to work under anyone? Laugh at some guys jokes and he isn't even funny? Have to hand in assignments in time and even now I can't. Get a salary and not a passive salary? Survive on it. Maybe I should buy an old BMW before I start, something to keep me sane through everything after law school.
I need to do it like my pops did it. Start a practice, get junior lawyers to work in it, go to work at 3pm cause I can. Passive income my guy.
But that requires struggle, when you begin some months you don't make profit, some months you actually make losses. But you still have to give salaries, pay office rent and stuff. Eat the losses as your employes eat their salaries. No wonder bosses are such pains in the.. But after a while, if I keep a float, not sink it's vacation on end.
Probably that's whats making realize such a horrible mood today. Feels like I am dead. Face feels warm like a fever even and am sure am well. Probably like everyone I should just not care and busy myself with everything and take a day as it comes.
Or is my mood caused by the lyrics to this song playing in the background in my room? Words change moods. It's not easy to take an insult right? What about if the words are accompanied by a tune? Sure sinks your mood. Maybe I should change the music I am listening to. Something uplifting, music that says, 'you are going through a hard time, but don't worry, you aren't alone' -something Paramore. First world problems?
Or is my mood cause by the fact that I am leaving home? Going back to my house? My apartment where I have to make sure there are cereals in the morning, otherwise I will go hungry. Not a place where I almost have breakfast in bed?
Or is it cause I feel ripped off? Booked fly540 instead of KQ, yet paid more? Is it cause I feel like I should have waited and booked for the Boeing Kenya Airways fleet instead of the regional airliner?
Is it cause I told my family I booked that and they laughed at me? Claiming it is like a matatu, since there are no seat numbers on the ticket?
Probably it's cause BBM-ed some other writers blog link and people enjoyed it more than they enjoyed mine. Cause I have a good piece once in a while he has awesome posts all the time. But I learnt that its always better to work rather than bitch... Which is working all right. Besides beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder, different tastes, am glad am your taste.
Whatever mood this is. Bipolar and what not I don't quite really care. In the end I know am not alone, someone out there goes through dull days like I do.
I know what I love, and I know what I need to do to make sure I am more happier than am sad.
I know law school is almost over, and I will not bitch more than I will strive to excel, it's a journey I will enjoy. Whether it's ambulance chasing...or pulling networks and clients from my connections. I will have fun, I bet you right I will. And I will, get myself a really comfortable office seat, big like a boss', and I will bang the secretary when times are hard.
And even though am leaving home for school, and it feels like boarding school all over again minus the new shoes and uniform. I will throw parties until I drop. Text my girlfriend until my mood is up. I will be first in the line and get the best seat on that flight. And perhaps carry my head phones cause I hear small planes are louder than big ones.
It's already 2:16pm, and am still in bed. Am going to take a nap for thirty minutes to wash down this mood. Wake up to an alarm ringtone something like Lil Wayne Mirrors, that got to put me in the mood to get to town!
Pick stationary, meet a few friends, have some lunch. Drink life like it was wine. Wine tastes better if you serve it in a better glass. Hand me those fancy wine glasses please...to be Happy more than am sad.
If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
