One day you wake up and decide, this is the woman am gona have babies with, this is the lady that I will build my life around. These are the number of kids am gona have. I will name the girl Sue and the boy Bill. Cause I love the idea of family and I love to sue and bill for it. You know, a little lawyer joke.
You wake up one morning mosquitoes are feasting on you like you the only one in Mombasa, you get mad, so mad you decide you will get an electric wick for each room in the house, and a net for your bed. You have had enough.
I woke up in the morning from the sound of my door bell. It was a Sunday morning, who could be at the door at 4am.
I open up and see a girl seated on the stairs, she is wearing a black dress that starts way below her neck and ends way before her knees. Her heels are taller than your fat wallet. Her breath is recking of alcohol.
"...are you okay? Come in come in."
You let her in. You don't ask what's wrong, you rash to the kitchen and get her water. You give her some, you wish there was milk. There is milk in the fridge but it expired a month ago, and the house help didn't throw it out, you haven't thrown it out cause it will make the dust bin stink so you live it in the fridge. The life of a bachelor.
"have some water it will make you feel better?"
"no..."
"come on, please for me, have some water and this panadol, you will feel better."
And she sips it and she starts to cry. You don't want to hold her but you must. So you hold her as friends even though before you were more than friends. But life happened and you drifted apart.
I want to ask what's happening, why she is here but I can't. Okay, I can but it's rude, so I can't, but i feel like i can't can't ask her, but I truly can't ask cause she might think I want her to leave, she is drunk but I still fear if I asked her why she was here, with her tears in her eyes. It will hit her in the face like the presence of police men do, that gets people sober in seconds. She might get hurt by my words.
"...am here don't worry, am here."
I hold her. Those words seem to make her cry even more... Am I the one that made her like this. Was it cause I decided we couldn't be together, even though we were together and not together together like she wanted? Did I break her heart and turn her into this?
I know what happens when a heart is broken, I know it so well. Someone tells you you aren't good enough for them, and you spend your life trying to be good enough for everyone else. Or you decide to hurt everyone by telling them they aren't good enough for you. It happens. Did I make her turn into this? She was a good girl. She now drinks too much, she is hardly ever home, she tells me that she loved me cause when she asked me not to pour just yet I didn't. And if you infer from that it shows you she has already had other experiences, not one others in a span of just a year?
"am I the one that turned you into this?"
She looks at me and laughs. It's as if I am joking, and I knew very well I was serious. Yet she still talked to me like I had a red nose like a clown, with a colored face like Jokers. Trying to make her laugh like I was an amusement park.
"you blame yourself too much...am okay, am just having fun?"
I give her her water and I give her her panadol. I don't want her waking up with a hang over. It would kill her and if she has a head ache she will give me that head ache, I know her too well.
"what is fun?"
"...you know just going out."
"who were you with?"
"my friends..."
"do they know you left?"
"no they were busy..."
"doing what?"
"just busy having fun."
Short answers. Raising voice. I left that matter. It was a touchy spot for her. I blame myself. I blamed myself, what kind if a person am I? That the people around me fall down like she was? Drunk, but that's nothing, drugs, out without true friends. Where were her friends?
Friends are meant to be there to take care of you, right? When you are lost they remind you! You are a lawyer first and not a writer. Friends are there to tell you, you have to have direction, even if it's shoddy direction you have to have one. It might be as simple as to go to Paris at the end of the year. Or as ridiculous as to throw the best birthday party next year.
And no one gave her direction. Where were her friends? If she wanted to have the best birthday party next year. She wouldn't let herself cross roads that drunk. Even at your most lowest point, when you have purpose you kind of take care of yourself.
"...you are my friend."
"what???"
It was as if she was reading my mind. I knew if I came here you would let me in no matter what. I knew if I called you to come get me from where I was you would come. You made me promise you I would get you a walk in wardrobe when I start working. Right about when you promised you would be my lawyer.
Then she threw up on my trousers. Dammit. Yeah friends my foot!
"sorry, sorry, sorry..."
"it's okay, it's okay..."
She took my pillow and was about to wipe the floor with it. I grabbed it from her.
"I said it's okay..."
I was raising my voice a little. So I decided what I needed to do was change. Get her to bed. Go shower.
One day you wake up and decide, this is the life I am gona live, this is the person I want to become. You decide you will be a good father, and even though your wife fucks around, you don't revenge by doing the same. If your friends betray you, you don't betray them too as revenge. You simply decide I intend to be the best at what I do. Whether you take me to a place where everyone sleeps at work, whether you take me to a place where I get paid more for doing less, I still strive to be the best. Until you have a better idea of what the best is, you will find me trying to be the best or being the best.
Cause I am a man of simple taste, I only like the best. Don't ask me what's the point of putting so much effort!!! I decided.
Have you?
