Is it growing up really? I thought growing up was not wetting your bed. Which I wetted till class seven. Damn class seven, I dated then, and I still wet my bed, but it's alright cause the girls still loved me, and the boys still respected me. I love the way my life turned out.
"nani, still wets his bed..."
And we would all laugh.
"but still pia Bobby wets his bed."
And the topic would change. Double standards, I loved it. I only wish I didn't laugh so loudly at short people, I didn't know I wouldn't grow much vertically after I laughed that much at them, shock on me. But I still laugh at people who aren't that tall, even though am not that tall too. What can I say, I am me. Aren't you you? Or you want to be someone else?
It's easy to want to stay in the past, think the same way, do the same things the same way. I for one want to throw a party, drive to 240km per hour, without my seat belt on, play loud music with the windows rolled down. But am not feeling it any more. I want to stay relevant, you know loud music in a car is so natural, and windows open too. They get you attention, and earns you respect depending on the car you are driving.
But it can't always be like that, I can't look for respect the same way I used to.
"my guy, wassup, "
"am good,"
"how you doing?"
"where are your shorts and polo shirts and stuff?"
"I don't wear them as much these days, catch me weekends."
"what happened man?"
"...just lenga that vibe."
I guess you learn a couple of things when you are thrown in the streets, into buildings where terrorism is a threat and people must be searched. And sometimes it's a bother when every single morning you walk into a building...
"can I see what's in your bag..."
And you have to stand there with your shorts, no matter how well structured they are, and no matter how leather your shoes are...showing some idiot guard what is in your bag.
At some places when you wear a tie you get searched. Everyone is on shorts and tennis shoes, golf shoes and Nike track suits.
"boss, habari..."
And an easy pair of suit trousers, and a shirt, combed hair and no shorts my damn bag never gets searched. My freaking damn bag never gets searched.
I don't think it's growing up, I think am just becoming more intelligent. The relationship between Luis Vuitton and getting laid is a theory that has some serious major holes in my thoughts right now. And I really do feel sorry when am standing with a guy and he is like...
"that's easy for you to say..."
"you know, if I was driving I could date her..."
And it gets tiring to have to explain to the fellow that, hey. Women think they want certain things, men think they want certain things but what we think could be wrong.
"whatever man, it's not the same..."
"why do you want that girl?"
"easy, I want to bang her..."
"so you've taken her home and bang her, then..."
"then am happy."
"so now that you are happy then what..."
"aish Bob, c am just happy."
I leave the guy, I walk up to the girl the guy was staring at, I come back with her. (she is my friend, yes I have fly friends, you should ask for a hook up)
"dear, this guy wants to have sex with you..."
"what? NO!"
You should see the look on his face, priceless. The chic looks at me as if it is obvious for me to say such a thing. She actually thought I was lying. I guess sometimes when one is so truthful people think you are lying right? It's all about presentation. Heard me? It's all about presentation!
"are you serious, how could you tell her that Bob?"
"easy man..."
"apana easy kitu gani, fuck now I have no chance with her..."
"so what are you going to do?"
"am going to go apologize to her..."
"do you think she will listen to you, do you think she knows you?"
"how could she forget me Bob after you pulled that stupid stunt."
I smile.
"my point exactly, now she knows you... You were invisible to her. You should be thanking me you kuku"
So we talked some more, obviously as we watched beautiful people passing heading to class. And going to the root of things, he actually didn't like her that much, he wanted her cause everyone wanted her, and if he could have her whilst everyone was unable to have her then probably we would look up to him. He is the man! He is the man. Nini? Hakuna!
"Boss, mpaka siku gani man?"
"we gota stop this..."
"so we wear suits and boss around people instead?"
"that's a plan"
"am working with incompetent people, idiots, I didn't know I was working with such... GET OUT, GET OUT YOU ALL FIRED!"
"no, really, this is the end of this post. Thanks for dropping by."
