Love

It comes a point when a man gives up. See, men aren't like women, for men it's about sex first. That's from where our love grows. Am just saying what I think, I know sex is wrong before marriage. But hey. 

So, why is it that men are the ones who have to lose out in a relationship, I mean from the first day you hook up. Dates, seated out somewhere under umbrellas, with steak on the table, prawns, wine glasses. And as a guy, you have to pretend you aren't thinking about hitting it! 

But it's all cool.

It's been days, but it's okay, cause am in love. 

So I have to go through night after night wanting, and not getting.

I have to walk around, watch, knowing I could, it only takes a hello. And it's a done deal in a day or two, or hours.

I wish you were here, you don't know how badly I wish you were here. I used to find fun in simple things, I used to find fun in squash, I used to really love lawn tennis. My tennis shoes are never dusty nowadays, no red clay from the court. 

Just a red heart in pain, I just want you here. I miss you until its painful. I would like to cover myself, I would like to cover myself in files. Today i was supposed to draft papers, plants, defenses, you know stuff for court.

But I looked at the computer screen, the wall paper, and I saw you. And I wondered why the hell I was seated there. Why do I need to draft some stupid paper well. You already impressed, I already have you. To tell you the truth, I felt like fuck it!

I woke up, this morning, you were the first thing on my mind. Long ago the first thing on my mind would be, what is the perfect tie to go with this shirt. It's got to be just right, cause I got to impress someone. But I already have you, the fight is already over.

So I don't think my tie matched with my shirt today, and I was cool with it. But to tell you the truth babe, I don't even think that's the thing, I think you just defined my life into two;

One, The moments am anticipating to be woth you.

Two, And the moment am with you.

But am with you for very few hours usually, and sometimes when am woth you am always thinking, I have to see you off. As soon as I hug you, I can already see it coming. 

You say good bye.

The waiter takes away the plates.

And damn your eyes look so beautiful I want to cry. And the way yu talk, and the way you laugh. And when it starts getting dark and it's time to go home, your eyes form this glear, like they are shiny, problem is that they are tears, a film of tears that makes your eyes even lovelier than ever. But it's time for me to rise up, it's time for us to pull the seats, it's time for us to leave.

And I look at you in that navy blue mercedes, and when you tell me you have to be home on time, and I almost wish it wasn't it cause then you could just call home and tell them your car broke down, you can't travel back home. And baby I love you, when I open the door, you slide into the drivers seat, I put my head into the car, kiss your lips, then pull the seat built, tie it on you. Start the car for you, so that I can open the window, I hug you one more time. Then I close the door gently, not to hurt you and I hate myself for shutting the door, letting you go home, and all I want is you to be with me, am sure I make you feel like home. 

And when your door is shut, I swear I cry it's just that my eyes usually are invisible, I poke my head into the car through your window, the I decide whether I will kiss you on your lips, I decide your cheek cause we are at a public parking spot.

Under those tress at the sports club that blossom and shower the yellow flower like things, but after kissing your cheek, I can't stop, I start to feel like I don't care whose watching, I know we in Kenya yes, we not in a movie. But who cares, what if we public kiss. And I hold your face kiss you like am feeling pain, and my muscles cringe. 

And I walk away but always come back, say bye bye bye bye again and again.

Why did I put myself through all these? Where did the days go when I sued a mirror in the morning, making sure I was alright. What happened to the days when I went to the bank to withdraw instead of using the atm? Those days when I loved those pretty women who were behind those glasses at the bank. They were so fly, until you? 

What happened to those days when I hang out around hoping to meet someone, hoping to meet people, hoping to see women in short skirts, wht happened to my wanting to have ever woman. What happened? 

Did I get happy? Are you all in one? When did you love me so much that I would rather be miserable late at such hours of the night writing this... Thinking about you instead of doing something fun, like hooking up with someone. Is it that I can seat here in bed sleepless, miserable cause I haven't seen you in day's. Days. But it feels better than anything with anyone else, everyone else.

Babe am f up. 

But it's alright, ama wait.

Cause I know this weekend am going to take you somewhere out of town, am going to take you some place where the hotels are more popular than the clubs, am going to take you to a place where pick ups are jeeps with no roofs. I am going to take you to that place where the road is Tarmac and wavy, and never ends.

Do you remember I took u there last time, and we raced, but you had an unfair advantages, I almost overturned when I hit tht pothole, but you wouldn't know that cause you were ahead of me.

But its cause I let you be ahead.

No I let you, no? Yes? Whatever. 

You can driver ahead all you want babe, I will behind here, spanking it, the best stroke, pressing those two horns. Until no one is horn- e. anymore.

Can't wait for the weekend, I want to live for today. But I can't, I just can't. I just can't live for today. Have you ever been at a time in your life when thoughts about the future are better than today's fun? Come on, you haven't gotten so lost thinking in the future?

You ask me why I don't write to you lately? Here it is... I don't want to write about you, cause its painful. I know it's wrong to say its painful, but am being truthful, I miss you so much it's pain. 

I miss you, I miss your head, I miss you b you b, your c, your l. I miss you to tears, and I miss you until I have no time for anything. It's late tonight, it's really late, I know I have to wake up early tomorrow, I will still wake up early. You just called and told me I need to sleep. I need to sleep cause if I dnt, you knowing me,I will still wake up early, and when you don't sleep early, you become a bitch, on edge angry the whole day.

Tomorrow, I will be angry at every beautiful women I see, I will see a girl in sun glasses when am driving to work, and I would hate her cause she is not you. I will see a girl with light skin, I will kick something on the floor as I walk angry cause she is not you. I will see a big ass, and it dancing under some jeans, and that makes me more mad than you think, cause its not you. I will wish it was you, cause if it was I would just walk up, tell you I love you.

Then kiss you, half way through the kiss, I will lift you as I grab it.

Tomorrow, I will see some girl on the wall, and a guy with his hand on the wall, there face close, and I will wish it was you and me there. 

And you know what I would tell you.

I would tell you. 

Baby, tonight, am going to cook for you, am going to roast potatoes, make nyama choma, am going to open a bottle of wine, am going to wear the shirt you got me, I will hope you would wear the bracelet I got you, and the watch. And I would love if you spilled your lipstick on my wine glass and on my lips.

You know the green umbrella I have on my balcony back huko coast? Yes. Right now, it's probably past mid night. But I would out two seats there, two shiny plates, silver knives and spoons, slow nice music in the back ground,

And we will laugh looking at the stars, in shorts and tshirts, I would kiss you. You would kiss me, the trees would be noisy, the wind will blow your hair, and the little balcony lights will make your eyes sparkle. 

And this time I will not wrap a gift roughly like I do. This time, the presentation will be as good as the gift. 

A box that opens, that is tied together with a ribbon. 

And you will blush when you open it, then you will scream and jump up and down forget the food, drag me to bed with just two things. 

The wine bottle, no more drinking from the glass, 

From the bottle, and kissing. 

I would lift you, pin you on the wall, your head will switch the lights off, my hand will carry you as the other holds your hair, oh your hair is always long and never oily. What's the trick? And it smells great like you do. 

And whether I will need to drop your clothes, or just reposition them

Whether you will be the one who grabs rubber from my pocket

Or you undo the zip I grab the rubber 

But I got to make sure you don't fall.

And it will just be tuesday night. It's just Tuesday night. What happens on Friday, saturday morning, afternoon, what happens. Girl am crazy over you. 

You don't know how ridiculous you sound when you tell me, why I don't write to you, about you anymore, why I don't thinking about you. What you should be asking, what times dont I think about you? 

And I would tell you, the only times I don't think about you is when I write.

Am trying not to forget everything am about, cause everything am about is you baby. It's you, I can't wait 

To see you

This weekend 

Love.