First of all, fuck it. I am a lawyer first, and that's what is going to pay my bills. Wait...do I even need that law? Business is turning out now better than ever. So, fuck it, I love writing, if my readers are quiet, so what? I don't comment on every page I visit anyways. Let's be real, it is sad, I wish people talked to me more, my viewers, my readers, wouldn't that be sweet.
But not everyone, I don't like talking to everyone. I think it is my girlfriend that has made me feel complete, of late the little sucking up I have always done in my life, letting some people treat me badly and I keeping them cause I don't want to be lonely; it is all gone. I guess I am loved enough. Not by my readers, but by the world I live in. You guys still need to do something. Think I am kidding? I was walking along the corridors I walk ordinarily, and I found myself plugging my headphones in my ear, trying to avoid eye contact with anyone, trying not to smile at anyone, cause I just don't want anyone to say hi. I am completely loved now, I don't try impress anyone, I don't force a smile when I don't want to smile, I don't pretend jokes are funny, if I don't like it I walk away, if I like it I stay, the truth has set me free.
The truth is I am discovering myself better, I can't quite say am changing cause I am still the same, I like my old things, like the old chunks of artificial grass I bought one time I was bored in the shop. It's become very useful now, cause I have a room I am using to practice a divot. You need grass for a divot, and am not going to grow grass in the house. I definitely don't want to be writing this from an asylum. Do you? So mean.
I want to write this from where I am writing it now. Oh my! Do I love this bedroom, I don't think anyone gets it better than I do, kind of like when she is down there, and she is doing things so perfect for once, and your flying piece by piece, and she doesn't get why that's just the wrong time to stop, she just stops. And you cant explain how you would have gotten finished if she continued just a little longer, you can't just explain it, cause she wouldn't just get it. She wouldn't, explain it to her and see, she wouldn't just get it. I bet you a million bob. Just like as much as I explain this bedroom to people, they get it but they just don't really get it!
Let me break it down for you, this building could be about a hundred years old or something close to that. The distance between the ceiling and the floor is a whooping figure. It's a building with history, a hundred years ago, I bet you right the people who lived in this ran this country. A hundred years after, a writer lives in it, the floor is a little rough, but it has been fixed, the walls are perfect, and I have done a lot of work in it. If it were in my power, I wouldn't build my own house later, okay, I would but let's assume I have more than one house later, I would make sure the most precious property I own is property that has history. Come on, think about it, if I pushed the right people and bought Lord Egerton castle in Njoro. I gave it electric gates, electric fences, fresh coat of paint at some places, and glass tables here and there, a pool. Then what? Then what the fuck would anyone tell me? You can build a house from North pole to South pole, but it will not have the magnetism mine will. Talk about the lengths one can go to for a limited edition.
This apartment I live in has a story, you would walk in it and say it's okay, but you don't get it like I do, great men lived here, and now this is owned by descendants of men who had a plan. The work they did has lasted generations. It's a hundred years after and it started about a hundred years before. Old is gold I tell you.
They don't make shoes like that any more. In a world where good taste roams wardrobes hand-me-downs work as wine does. In his foot steps right? He flew out to get a pair tailor made for him, not mass production. The fruits of hard work and proper priorities. And I too want my son to pick proper leather shoes from my shoe racks and place them on his. Nothing that looks like anything you see in the street. Fashion is the most ridiculous of culture. Agree? You will walk down the streets wearing a blazer over squash clothes cause it's cold, and people will look at you funny, even laugh. It always depends where you are.
And where I want to be is where I am, but it's an up hill task maintaing number one you know. I wrote very good pieces as compositions in school. Remember those days? And from then on, I have been trying to out do myself. There were times when I thought, why do anything, if you had everything, would you do anything? Yes... You would.
You would and I would, cause looking at the world, come on, you must have seen it, the more fuller a life, the more engaged it is. It's about losing yourself in something until you find yourself. It's Monday night as I write this, and I am wondering whether if I took a shower right now at one thirty in the morning, would it make me feel clean? Will it free me from the bad habits I engage in?
I don't quite need to engage in my books, if the purpose is to make some, so much I never look at price tags. But the world is such a place nowadays, at the blink of an eye fates can change, so probably I should be more serious, put some effort. At least to prove to myself I have what it takes, at least to have a shadow that someone can bask in, and not spend my life basking under someone's shadow.
Let's talk about shadows, there is always an appeal to a quest, if history is anything to go by, I think if we take out the bad and look at the good in history, you will see that kings actually went out of the comfort of their homes for a quest. Not like leaders of today.
Sometimes to just prove themselves, sometimes to get the ladies love them better, sometimes to tell a good story of how they made everything expand, sometimes to tell of the lives they saved, of the times they were caught between a wall and a hard place out there in the wild, and at that moment they found a prayer.
And that is my prayer, that's the person I feel myself becoming, it's still me, but I feel it more clear, as much as your shoes get dirty when you buy a piece of land even though you were in a car with leather seats, by the way, you know why I hate about this new places, they want clean new shoes, shiny shoes to treat you well, yet they don't have cutlery for fish, yet they have fish on the menu. They can't tell hand made stitching from machine stitching, they can't tell blue band from butter. As I was saying, as much as I feel myself become the man that is a man, I understand things better now.
I understand that I love to write, I understand I will do very well this semester cause a plan is good but two plans are better, I understand that challenge excites me, and when such a hobby feels like an adventure to my heart, I want more escapades. I understand now the funnier the kind of dame you sleep with, the more likely you will look forward to throw the pillow case in to the laundry basket when she leaves the morning after, the less funnier the type of dame the higher the probability you will just turn the pillow upside down the night you sleep alone after the night you slept with her.
I have this pillow case, I don't want to replace it, cause I chose, and I picked one out of all the dames in the world, and you can be sure I picked the best for myself, her hair smells right, and it only leaves her nice scent on the pillow, I nose hug it when she is gone, her smile sinks my sorrows, and her cooking drowns them dead.
You got to agree, as much as life is a bitch. It is the most precious thing. I have just shared a piece of my life. Share yours...
