You either look at the dark skies, or the stars. I hoped for a way to express myself, I looked for a way to create, express, release...and I wrote about it. What hadn't hit me was that I was already writing; the irony. And it's that very writing that has put stars in my eyes, and put my heart on the moon.
So when you see the moon up in the sky, just remember my heart is chilling there. We were two guys, she was one girl, she is a beautiful dame, with tights and all. You know, the flat plastic shoes from Bata, blue in color, black stockings, not fishnets, stockings, navy blue skirt,skirt jeans even. She was beautiful. I write, he talks. It has taken quite a while to reach this far, cause writing doesn't speak loud. He talked to her, I texted her, he sealed the deal faster, therefore. If I was to chase after her again against him, I would still not talk, I would still text her, cause I was done changing myself for women years ago, you easily lose yourself when you do, I would still text her if I was to do it all over again, cause that's me, a writer. I best express myself on paper, and if she doesn't like it, she can fuck off, she probably wasn't right for me from the beginning, besides, how else would I have my princess if we worked out?Now she is my biggest fan.
As I said, we go through phases, and I was at a phase where I was unsure of my path, and some of my fans were not very happy, you write without a care at the start, then people start to read, and they start calling you Bobby, and dare you disappoint them. They sound like princess when I haven't called her or when she is drunk.
"it's not such a big deal..."
"what do you mean it's not a big deal, how could you just do that Bobby?"
"...it's just a hobby."
"just a hobby???"
Have you ever seen a dame coz. As in, she opens her mouth half way like she wants to say something, but nothing comes out. So she closes it. I find it so embarrassing to have to close it, but no one notices but me. I wonder why people never flee when they are being made noise at, just walk away. I just stood there, then she says something that totally doesn't make sense flipping her handbag, and Bobby just stands there taking it all in. And am looking at her, she tries to rephrase what she said, but it still doesn't make sense, and I stand there waiting for her to construct sentences that are meant to reprimand me. Why can't we just run out of the slaughter house? You know you will be screwed but you still continue.
I guess silence speaks louder than words, and even though she lacked words, I got everything she meant. And girl, I will not act like that again, I will be a completely professional writer. Yes, I will, they are paying me fifty thousand per post. I am writing a hundred, so that I can fly to that country and spend at BigTree by Hilton.
I love playing with words, like you love playing with yours yours, or just yours. Especially at moments like this when exams are really close, why are exams always right at the corner while parties aren't. I hate double standards. I feel most like writing when I have something as boring as studying to do. Just listening to myself speak, listening to my heart, listening to my mind, pouring it out on paper, it's feels like you feel when you take a photo, you know sometime in the future you will look at it and it will draw emotion off you like a water well. Writing is taking a photo of my thoughts, leave photos alone, try record your thoughts and watch you laugh off your seat. You thought old photos make you laugh, try an old journal.
Seven years I have written not knowing I was writing. So as much as I convince myself I will stop. It's all wishful thinking. I have blogged for roughly one year, seven minus one. Six years I have had a relationship with words. Even if we were not meant to be, you just don't break up in one day with something you have been with for five years. It's okay to call some ex's things. Isn't it? No? Yes. Whatever...
You cry, you make up, make out, break again, cry make out, make up, break again, you bitch, you bitch! but never do you just walk out of something you have been in for five years like it never happened. Boss, we humans.
And am glad a lot of ladies are in my past, I remember us talking in private, then once in public at the cafeteria, things changed, we acted like we didn't know each other. Something to do with coolness I think, on her part. Who is cooler than who, who can't be seen with who, who makes more than who, who fucks up school more than who, who went to party where, but especially with who...and the conversations that basically are tailored to put people out of place, their is democracy, but even in the democracy their is equality, but not everyone is given half the chance to be equal, some are given half that chance and grab it, some are given half that chance and they let it go.
And that's why we couldn't happen at least publicly, looking back now I know, but then I didn't know, that there were boundaries we should have crossed and we didn't. And after we crossed those boundaries probably we would have a wonderful fling with her, you know, something to put a little taste to what would be a boring evening.
But...spilled milk is spilled milk, now I know better, there are no boundaries whatsoever, if there were I have the power to pull them out cause I know they are there. Now I know better, that there are no boundaries, the only boundaries are the ones I inflict in myself, sell it, believe in yourself, disregard the boundaries.
When you find something you love, however you are, follow it, if you don't get it in five minutes, you will get it in five hours, if you don't get it in five hours, you will get it in fifteen, if you don't get in in fifteen you are probably pathetic but you will get it in five months if not five minutes. But in the end, even if it wasn't meant to be, it will become, cause time changes shit. Literally, Scuffy my puppy shits around, i know time changes even the smell of shit. What you can be sure, is that if you make no attempt, you will never have it.
I rather spend all the time in the world, chasing after the dame I love, than spend all the time in the world moaning over her. Because once you have her, as in have her, you know really have her... Once you have her once, you can have her anytime, anywhere, anyhow, forever. With love.
