Dames and sirs,
No I can't talk to you today. This is too intense, let me talk to Dr.iPad here. Or maybe is should talk to you ladies and gents. You always promise to be hear. I should get it through my head that you guys will be here. No matter what phones you are using, no matter what computers, no matter what Internet connections. Dames and sirs will be here. So let me pour my heart out... Listen... Am glad you listening, whether you are listening cause you can relate, or cause you feel my pain, or cause you are curious about me, whatever the case. You all I got today...
Today am lonely, I am here at my balcony. Power is out. I put on three candles, but the winds blew them out. So am lonely, even lite candles can't keep me company dammit! Power is out in the house, therefore making the balcony brighter from the moon light than the actual house. It's me, you, the moon and my broken heart.
I have tasted depression. I cannot quite say I have friends today, cause you cant call friends friends when they see you walking into a place where you will taste the bitterness of betrayal and unfaithfulness.
Tell me dames and sirs, what kind of a friend watches you walk with a girl into your house? Touch the girls lips, kiss her with all that you are, and not tell you that this girl you kiss is kissing someone else. Is getting fucked by someone else.
Today my heart is heavy, my feelings are bitter, I taste jealousy and spite all in one. I can't believe she did that to me. To sleep with someone else and not to sleep with me. To lie to me that she is not sleeping with anyone else right while she is in my house, sitting on my sofa, caressing my pillows.
Leave my pillows you cheat dammit! As she sips coffee from my mugs, the mugs I had washed, the coffee I had bought. She lies to me. She sleeps on my bed, uses my loo. Wipes her hands with my towel and feels right at home at my place, at my heart when she knows very well at the back of her mind there is someone else who she gives everything she doesn't give me.
And here I am, accepting that she can't give me what I want cause she doesn't give it to anyone. And just as she leaves she walks into another man's house and gives him everything even without protecting herself.
Guess what, I found out what you have been up to. And I feel like I died, it's been close to a week since I found out. But the wound has not healed, will not heal. I forget I have a wound, at least for a while, but you know forgetting it doesn't make it go away. Sometimes I remember and to tell you the truth since I first learnt of your wayward ways I have been living like a ghost.
I just glide through life, through my day. I never notice walls, I hit doors, I forget where I place my keys, I forget to eat. I just glide through the day re-living all the betrayal you made me eat.
I have a piece of cake in the fridge and orange juice, a box of chocolate and candy that you offered me. I think it was a sign of guilt from you. You have been here most of the time, why is it today you thought to bring me something to eat. Could it be guilt eating you?
Somehow I know when you finally look into my eyes, wondering if I finally know that the sour taste your beautiful kisses had came from the fact that you had just popped morning-after-pills from another man.
Or have you no guilt, can't you see the hurt in my eyes. Is all that you see your reputation? Wondering whether I have told anyone what you have been doing? The funny people you have been seeing.
I will never tell you I know that you betrayed me. Yes, it's still betrayal. We weren't an item, but we spent time together. On my bed. Yes we didn't sex, but we kissed. I accepted that we couldn't sex, cause there is a certain lifestyle you want to lead, but to find out that you sexed some funny dudes in the background. Without caution. Is something else. Do you know where those guys have been? You know they don't get beautiful girls like you often. Where do you think they get their shag?
It is these things that anger me. It's the fact that it was him that you slept with, or is the fact that you hid it from me? It is the fact that you were on my bed for hours torturing me, telling me sex can't happen, but all else can, then you go sex somewhere else, it's the fact that my friends saw you walk into my house, watch my heart fall for you everyday, every time, and not tell me I wasn't tasting love but betrayal and jealousy and morning-after-pills that I didn't cause.
Dames and sirs, it's at moment like this that I feel closest to you guys. Cause you are perfect, you can do no wrong. You just listen, and people who listen and say a word or two are perfect. Oh, and those who tweet.
And as a by the way, thanks for introducing that girl you work with, and that girl thanks for not doing work today cause of my blog. But I will be telling your boss. Yes, really! Yes? Dames and sirs, you listen, you are not like friends and this girl am talking about.
And girl, just saw you know, it's no defense to state that we weren't an item. When you lie on someone's bed, a guys bed, sirs you agree, when a girl lies on your bed, and swears she can't have sex with you cause she has chosen a certain lifestyle then later you find out that she is actually sleeping around to pregnant. When a girl lies on your bed sirs, and you give her your heart, and give up sex for her. Then find out she lied, sirs, you break, you break from inside like a thermos. Cause right now, I can't let her know that I know what she was doing. I have to break quietly from inside like a thermos.
I can only tell you my readers.
Only you.
Cause when my friends cant be found, and the girls we give our hearts to betray us in the gravest way. All we have are you readers. All I have is you dames and sirs.
You have done a great thing, you have listened. And cause you have listened, I feel my heart is ready, to do away with everything about this girl, its cause you have listened that I have the strength to dump the girl that I have never dated, not on a text, not on email, definitely not in person, cause she can't know I know. But the strength to dump her in my mind.
