"Bobby, you remember you used to take me for breakfast dates at 6am before I went to work?"
Funny thing she was facing her friend who sat next to her on the back seat as she said this, instead of looking at me as she said this. I adjusted the rare mirror careful so that i could still control the steering wheel well. When I could see them both well from the rare mirror I went on to answer her.
"that wasn't even the best part for me, I loved what we did before..."
"you remember?"
"how could I forget you and me parked outside that new halfway constructed building...wait a minute, you used to bribe the watchman, didn't you? Didn't you? How could he just let us do that in that compound?"
She smiled first then started laughing.
"Bobby, Kwani were you embarrassed about her? Why didn't you take her to the club and you took me?"
I adjusted the rare mirror again, I actually missed to see a bump when she said that.
"sorry!"
The car made noise, all our heads almost hit the ceiling of the car. The four of us. The two girls in the back seat and the guy on the co-drivers seat.
"We never went to the country club with you?"
"yeah, I was working, that's why... I want free during the day and it usually was too early to go to the club."
"no he was embarrassed about you. He doesn't take chics he is shy about to the club."
"that's not true!"
I laughed to try to diverge attention from that topic.
"he bought me this phone..."
Huh? I didn't buy her a phone. But I didn't object, cause when a girl lies about something knowing you know that she is telling a lie, it's best to play along. I didn't say a thing. No one said a thing. The car became quiet.
"it's here."
He pointed to the left. I took the Parking Card from the watchman, drove in and parked. It was time for Nyama Choma! The four of us sat around a single table. We laughed like old times, we talked about how guys usually are friends forever, while women always break up with there friends. Obviously the women complained, stating it wasn't true, that they don't backstab there friends. But come on, guys are usually friends for longer than women. No? Why is that?
It was five minutes when I got that phone call.
"where are you? It's late. When are you coming home?"
"just a few minutes am coming."
"it's late, you should come home right now."
Silence.
"hello?"
"okay, am coming."
I walked back to the table, I could see the looks on everyones' face. I didn't know how to tell them... Turns out I didn't need to tell them.
"we have to leave right?"
"yeah, pole."
The nyama choma was packed in the shiny metallic wrapping thing it's always packed in. I headed to the washroom. He gave the meat to the ladies to take to the car. I gave them the car keys and asked them to wait for us in the car.
"you have a slow puncture, we can't leave." she offered.
I looked at the wheel. It was half empty, I didnt know how to change a wheel. Scratch that, I don't know how to change a wheel up to now. And there was no way I was letting another man know I didn't know how to change a wheel.
"it's okay, let's just go..."
"are you sure? You will spoil the rims."
But I was already in the car. Everyone got in, and they all had fun teasing me on how I don't care about the wheel, spoiling the wheel. I let them, anything but them teasing me about my not knowing how to change a wheel. If they knew I didn't know how to change a wheel they would tease me for life. As in drag my name in mud forever. And mud is dirty. Am clean!
It felt as if the car was sluggish, I don't know whether it was cause of the wheel or cause I already knew I had a slow puncture.
Don't you hate it when you are receiving so many phone calls, and your friends can see you phone ringing, but you aren't picking it up. It's usually uncomfortable. But it works, when you keep calling someone they feel like they need to hurry, it instills the guilt, not every hour, every minute. And that is when I decided to do something I haven't done in a long time. I picked up the phone, right hapo Westlands roundabout, yes hiyo karibu na the Mall.
Immediately I had the phone on my ear, just as I turned to get into the roundabout. You know what happens?
Guess?
I see two cops. Yes. With kabutiz and guns. There torches pointing up and down, asking me to stop. It is clear I was on the phone, cause the light from the screen was bright on my face.
These things just happen, there I was caught. Everyone in the car was quiet. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. I reduce the volume on the radio. I park at the side of the road.
He stands next to my door. I roll down the window.
"Driver license?"
So typical. I think they ask for that first, cause it would be easier to charge someone for not having a drivers license. Why do you handa someone for talking on the phone while his driving and it's easier to handa one who is seated on the drivers seat illegally anyways? (Good thing the new laws allows one to present their drivers license in 24hours, I think?)
He pointed his flash light on my D.L, I knew it was signed, I had renewed it for two years, so it wasn't expired. If those were clean, the next would be the insurance. But I was in a big car, I was in a new car. So I figured he would not bother. He didn't.
"Bobby, kwa nini una ongea na phone uki drive?"
I didnt say anything.
"C umenunua gari kubwa mapema."
"hapana hii ni ya mzee"
And imagine I laughed kidogo.
"Sasa si unajua we will have to take you to court, unless utatoa something small, naskia nyama choma ikinukaia..."
Then I laughed again. Not the loud laughter, as in laughing at him. No. That light one to show I wasn't afraid of sh. I have been to court, I know what happens to traffic offenders.
"ah sasa unanipeleka huko na huko ndo nafanya internship..."
He pointed the flash light back into the car. Not to my face, at least police men aren't that crude. He pointed at my trouser, dashboard what not.
"c sasa ndo vizuri, you work there, so unajua the law, c unajua sheria vizuri..."
Hehehe
Yes, exactly like that, that how I laughed. Thrice, like I was reading the laughter.
"unafanya nini huko?"
"niko law school."
He looked at me again.
"enda..."
So I drove off.
So everyone in the car was in awe. Ati next time they are getting caught with me. In my mind, I was thinking. Okay, I knew roughly how much a fine I would have to pay if I was taken to court, I knew roughly what magistrate I would stand before, I roughly thought that the cop knew that i knew that it was an offense for him to ask me for a bribe, and I had a whole lot of witnesses in the car, it would be his word against mine. But I knew all these things roughly, and I used that knowledge to handle the situation. But roughly isn't good enough, it was then, but will it be later? I wish I would know exactly how much fine I would pay, what my defense would be (even though traffic are strict liability) I wanted to know for sure what magistrate I would stand before. I wanted to know for sure. I want to know for sure.
So I dropped everyone home.
The last girl told me.
"you know she is the one who removed air out of your tyre so that you'd stay longer. But you are so unpredictable, (insert laugher) you just drove like that!"
She planted a forced kiss on my cheek. And as I drove home, I thought more about how I need to freshen up my knowledge on the constitution and other laws. Put them into real life situation as i studied them. I didn't once think about the tyre incidence. Only of course as evidence to the fact that women backstab each other, even when they are friends.
So...open my book. Time to become an awesome lawyer.
