We can all agree on one thing. Let's all agree on one thing, the world is very unforgiving. You make a mistake, you lose someone out of your carelessness and they are gone. You drive a little faster, you make a daring turn, you get a crush, the world doesn't forgive you. It doesn't erase the mistakes you made, it tells you, you messed up, deal with the consequences.
People give you a second chance, cause people can relate, they can listen to you, and they understand you made a mistake anyone can make a mistake. But the world, with regards to things such as being at the wrong place at the wrong time, you get messed up, you look for people to blame but you have yourself to blame, you made the wrong decision.
I have myself to blame right now. I made the wrong decision, let something slip through my fingers and escape. I know it was my mistake, I shouldn't have been there at that moment, but sometimes I think probably the thing is that we leave in a bad world with bad people. But shouldn't I be blamed for being at the wrong place where there were bad people that messed me up?
At the end of the day, bad people escape, and you are left with yourself to blame, performing a postmoterm on your past actions. If only I did this, if only I did that, if only...if only my foot! I didn't do it why am I beating myself up?
So that I get prepared next time, I will be ready for the misfortune. But is that a way to live? Always trying to shield yourself from misfortune?
I am at a sad place, am at a place of autopilot, I am brushing my teeth before I go to bed, changing into my pajamas but you can see it's out of habit. If I hadn't been doing it for days and days I bet you I wouldn't be doing the things I am doing right now. But trying to sleep early was a habit I formed a not a very long time ago. And I think that is why it is past my bedtime and am feeling careless, but I can't stop cause, I just don't care!
I bet this is the moment were women make bad decision, a state where you are so hurt you are numb, you are as good as intoxicated only out of emotion overload. They say men shouldn't make decisions immediately cause with time emotions settle and rationality sets in, and you realize probably buying a gold watch was not what you needed.
But am so hurt I dont want to be happy, have you ever felt like that? It's horrible, it is absolutely horrible and hopeless.
I look at the heart of the girl I hope for would rise up for me, but she is dead, her love for me is in the grave. I just want her to wake up, so that I can know that she is alright, I can sleep in peace. But she is right at my bed and she is wearing a poker face.
I try to pin her to the wall, she just lies there, non reseptive to all my attempts, her face was once beautiful, more than it is now, but times have been hard, and I haven't taken care of her cause I have always wanted someone else.
I even went away and got someone else, but she disappointed me, she got into the arms of another man. She assumed that I wouldnt miss her, she assumed I didn't make chances to reach her, she changed her number and left.
But my old one was waiting for me at home, how ever so patiently, we have times together, mostly in the morning and evening. But she look at me dead in the eye, she doest blink which is a bad thing.
She isn't walking away, she is just being unbearable to stay with, always turning on at the wrong time, getting turned off at the wrong things, when I need her the most like right now. I know I will leave her, cause she forced me too. She is making it useless to be with her.
I hate this pain, it makes me want to snap and do and things, emotional over load.
