I dressed right. I love white chino trousers, shoes without socks, a polo shirt and African bracelets on my arm. But I wore black leather shoes, I wore a formal shirt, plain and business, I tied my tie like they do, I combed my hair. I neatly put my papers in an envelop, I gave up part of myself, I become someone else, I hid my writing and the things I really am about, so that I could make an impression. So that that part of the world can accept me, give me what I want.
But do you know what the world gave me after all that sacrifice? After all the studying I did preparing to take over the world. It gave me a cold shoulder. How can you be so cold world? Tell me, how can you? How many nights did I spend burning the midnight oil, studying as well as working hard in all ways? Instead of spreading some legs I spread papers yet you took those papers and made me feel that they were as valuable as torn rubbish papers. That tore my heart, it still does.
I wasn't the best, but I tried hard, but when I say I tried hard I don't just mean when we had hard tests I tried to read for them the hardest. When I say I worked hard I mean I beat myself up for messing up my grades. No one has the same abilities, I might have a good memory, but my concentration power is low, what can i say? Some of us get bored easily, and you can never remember what you never heard. I tired to compensate, I worked hard to get my direction. I had to live, I had to position myself right, I wasn't the best, but with my circumstances you can be sure I sweat blood. I dealt with life and death issues, melancholic and purposeless, I had to juggle that with books, I made it alive, that's what is most important. Cause at some point I could have taken my life.
But you don't care about that world, you don't really care who is luckier than who, at the end of the day you want the best, and sometimes one can be the best, then you treat them badly cause even though they are the best, they aren't lucky. So you are saying you have to be the best, which is not necessarily in our control, but in addition to that you have to be lucky which is almost completely out of our control? You think that's fair?
I have been giving up pieces of myself, I have been giving up my sweet heart every time I have been in this world world. Why? Cause when am sweet you treat me badly, you give me heart break but most of all you disappoint me. How do you explain my going out of my way to help someone needy, and make the same needy person turn to my worst enemy? How do you explain such a person trying to finish off my existence? So don't deny you are a cold world.
You take a piece of me every time, you tell me I have to be cruel to make it in life, and I take my heart to the fridge turn it into ice cold stone, hoping that now that I have sacrificed my heart for the pleasures of the world I will have the world at my feet. But you know what I get at the end of making such sacrifices, I lose my heart and my mind. I don't gain the world, I just get a cold shoulder.
What else is left to do? Haven't I position myself right? Haven't I put myself in schools that are meant to make me flourish? Haven't I natured all my talents, used them, am still practicing, I have been for years, when will that moment come when I realize the benefits of the ocean of sweat I have been washing off every night after long days work?
I do all that is required world, I do all that you require, but then you let someone else bed the girl I want to, you make me fight losing myself in a battle that benefits another man who will get the girl. Why are you so cruel world? Making me take a bullet in a battle which I realize too late is another man's war to win his girl? I feel used world.
I gave you all the things you asked me to give you, I threw a shilling at a shilling which you promised me will multiply, and you want me to throw another shilling at the same place the fifth time with no return?
Regardless world, I tell you this, if you want me to give up kill me, cause otherwise I will always restore my energy and get back to 360 degrees. Am done going back to 180 degrees questioning whether am on the right path, I have put so much work on this path to give it up, and am going to give myself to this path even more until you give me what I want. It's 360 degrees for now until you kill me, no 90degrees, am not running away, am running towards. That's all I know.
See, world if I were you I would give it up already, why? Cause everyone always gives it up if you wait long enough, and you give it you all. Whose the next big thing? I am. Someone say, I am the next big thing! Regardless...
